This year's San Diego Comic-Con was a somewhat hectic affair for me, not least preparing for a new job happening on a Monday (Sunday in the U.S. timezone wise), and totally missing out of a day and a half of geekery, while instead geeking out with my new student(s) on the new Batman v Superman trailer and missing Kekkai Sensen anime (like they believed I actually watched it, I dunno? :p). The thing I realized was, I felt more alive geeking out about said trailers and pop culture references - in-between doing a self-introduction of myself and my craft from decades back till now … quite a surreal trip indeed.
Getting "back to the grind", and eventual "daily grind", and of the thought of interacting with multiples of people, is not something I look forward to, truth be told … having been a shut-in for the past decade has left with habits that
I think back and somehow am "thankful" for my Stroke - or rather being able to survive it - as I do not think I worry much about what "other people" might think of me ... we'll see how long my disposition lasts anyways :p
I'd also recognize it had been all about "me, Me, ME", and while I absolutely hate to be THAT dickschmuck who talks forever on and on and on and on about "himself", I find myself struggling to provide another (outside) point of reference, as I've ingrained into myself for the past decade to face myself and blog to myself (in lieu of a vacuum / void of humaity) … or am i perhaps attempting, or have been justifying my own existence?
I cannot deny that notion, nor can I ascertain the fact … "reality" and "fiction fantasy" are blurred in my blood now, and frankly I would not know how to deal otherwise … be that as it may, self-existential mindfcuks aside, I look forward to knowing more of the folks I lecture in the coming days … although I sure hope they could get used to me wearing my heart on my sleeve, and on the www hahahahahaha
But I feel it also HAS to be about "me, Me, ME" - not just for myself, but for folks around me - for if you do not know yourself, or about yourself, and cannot "change" yourself - how are you about to face / change / convince the world / other people around you? There is no "zen" involved here, no rocket science, just plain logic innit? But I also recognize "human beings" does not necessarily equate "logical, rational human beings" too innit? Heh.
Throughout this no-longer-abstract notion of getting back into the "working world", the main concern I had, and still is, my health. I don't want nor need to be a burden to anyone else too, nor am I a "hero" eager to conquer my own abilities in the quickest or harshest way possible - but conquer them I intend to, and want to ... so if this gig ends up being a catalyst / gateway for me to get my bloated-a$$ off my blogging sedentry chair of life, so be it! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA
It's one thing to suck it up for a weekend spent at the local toycon, or even maxing out my body and mind for a period overseas in Thailand or Jakarta, but I've got 10 weeks more to finish up this gig, so I must remember to pace myself (like I know how to do that in the first place HAH) and not push myself to point exhaustion like on my first day, and the harsher reality of my lack of health comes back to slap me down silly-nilly gawddamit hahahaha
And I've also got to learn to pry myself away from my mobile/twitter and start interacting with physical people! Activities that I've chosen to withdraw from for the past decade or so, trying my damnest to get my sociability-clock-a-ticking again, you know? In between me stoning out from exhaustion LOL
But some habits remain, as I had a Bearbrick in my pocket all the time, and of thinking of where to take toy-snaps, and of wanting dearly to share the Batman v Superman trailer on the projected big screen for the students LOL … do I really have to hold back my geekery too? hhhmmm
Funnily, there was a point in time where boxes of commemorative LEGO sets (for SG50) were given out to the students (pic below), and I could not help but smile at the notion, and connection I have with the collectible since blogging and of my Stroke :)
No, this is not my box to keep, but I couldn't help but have my imaginary greedy paws grabbing at them hahahahaha