Much Ado About A Penbrush

I'd wanted to say "I'm going to be 50 this month, and it'll be hard for me to change into something I am not", but I realised that is not wholly "true".


I would need to change my life-long habits, for the betterment of my own personal health - still a struggle for the past decade FFS - and temper my stubbornness for the betterment of my mental-well being, and I have been trying ... struggling to adapt ... struggling to remain calm ... but my impatience constantly gets the better of me, sometimes occurring instantaneously with my judgement of doubt, with "emotions" winning out at the end.


I have always thought that "my heart wins over my head", but I also know I am not that stubborn to temper either decisions without considering the other, and have faced and will continue the face the consequences of my decisions, whatever they may be.


Through the years, through personal and family life-happenings, I might have mellowed as much as I have gained sentimentality, wearing a cloak of fear and regret, that I am exceeding slow in removing, but more likely will be embrace me til I leave this mortal coil, but that's okay, that is something that perhaps I have made peace with, and quite funnily while I have no desire to show-off what I wear to the general public, but alas I already do have them drapped over my sleeves for all to see, and who choose to see LOL


Hardly a "saint", nor an (active) "sinner", I have been trying to thread the middle ground, ever since surviving Stroke - a milestone on my life that looms larger than "time" would allow me to forget (as friends and family constantly tells me to) - but has irrevocably coloured me and my waking life, and quite frankly I tire of justifying myself anymore than I have had for the past decade.

See? Told you; "stubborn" LOL

Meanwhile, I have to consider actively divesting me and my online/offline-life of unnecessary drama, angst and negativity (I am already a "negative person", even after surviving Stroke FFS lol), and somehow rediscovering inspiration to push myself beyond my comfort-zone ... something as simple as a new brush, beyond my current standard doodle-tools, is a small struggle by itself LOL

...and running out of ink today, made me think more than I should lah :p

Andy (tomorrow will go buy a new pen brush)