Saturday, August 5, 2017

Unrealistic Efforts & Expectations


A simple realisation today: Even if I am currently working three times as hard, my level of health and ability will not be able to match that of an able-bodied average person? And I have to double-bust my ass just to reach the minimum of effort produced by said able-bodied person(s) … all these while I more likely have been trying way too hard to match what I had done on the blog since I first started, rather than do what I am capable of, comfortably, post-Stroke.

Over a decade blogging, nearly half of which was pre-Stroke, and the other, post-Stroke. I should’ve learnt my lesson 7 years ago, when I woke up in the Acute Stroke Ward, in Changi General!

Being generally frustrated with my efforts the past 7 years, boils down to literally the standards I have set myself up against pre-Stroke, and whatever excuses so happen, cannot/could not match the “expectation”, I reckon … even though the result is the best blogging stats I have been having for the past few years, in the blog-life of TOYSREVIL …

I have been convincing myself I had needed to prove my “worth”, admittedly by equating my blog-efforts with monetary returns, which alas has been less than stellar, if not perfunctionary in partially footing my monthly medical bills, but hardly what you would call “survival” now.

Ironically pre-Stroke, what I had earned from blogging could afford a decent survival, when I was not paying the extra medical expenses tho WTF LOL

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