Faceless Friends, Forgotten Fans

I am intrigued with the notion of “fans”, or in this particular instance "fans as friends" (nameless or faceless or otherwise).

All this stemmed from reading a recording artist's letter to her fans (She/they will remain unnamed), and of how she/they constantly address their fandom's nick, as they would "dear friends" and "partners in a relationship" - which quite frankly sometimes read as something I felt as if a "pre-constructed tact", meant to elicit "dedication" from readers via a faux-emotion - which of course is exceedingly cynical of me, I realise and acknowledge, and also primarily I am not in her/their position to judge otherwise, whether the feelings are TRUE or MANUFACTURED, and I would not know that feeling at all.

But I realize I personally might have a parallel "experience", as it were...

Back in the earlier days of blogging (2006-2010-ish), I've had a decent number of folks who regularly commented in my posts, most of them becoming online friends and acquaintances, where we'll commiserate and even share in our lives (however little we would/could leave in a comments section :p).

I've always maintained that "blogging is a solitary affair" - as it has literally for me the past 15 years, as opposed for folks who blog in a group setting, or are apart of a group of bloggers, where I blog by myself, and essentially "talk to myself" ... but back in those "early years" of blogging I mentioned in the above para? It was as if I was blogging to THEM, if not faceless but in (cyber) existence, and it felt as if I was NOT talking to myself, where I had a small community of folks I was addressing, sometimes directly too!

In some ways, it was as if my blog was one of the destinations folks would go to and hang out (a place I "owned and operated" anyways), then perhaps hang out together somewhere else (like another toy-forum) = like a "online pub-hop", as it were!

The one thing I did remember back then, was that we'd keep our own wwws separate from other sites, not self-promote (as much) or pimp my own blog (for instance), with things so much different now in the current social landscape! But I digress...

That was one of the fulfilling aspects of "blogging" to me, actually. For a moment, I was not just "talking to myself", and i some small ways, I could understand a sliver perhaps of what the artist (mentioned in the top paras) might have felt, towards her/their fans and supporters ...

Things drastically changed when I had my Stroke end-2010, and I remember the difference in how the blog reacted - or lack of - with my readers since. Or perhaps some have kept in vague touch on my social medias instead, and folks have grown in their lives, and moved on, while I continue to live my bloglife, and essentially end up talking to myself again LOL

Of course I also recognised my language and way of life has since changed - online and offline - so perhaps folks/readers lost whatever connection they had with my words and me ... I never could know for "fact", as I'd not asked and even if I did, no one replied.

What I remembered very vividly now - especially with this particular post - was when that one time, a friend passed me something he (or his grandchildren) bought, when he insisted that it was a "gift from a friend" and not from "a fan" (he does not read my blog, I think lol) - to which I was quite offended before (but never said it out loud), thinking "What "fans"? I do not have any fans? And neither do i take anyone who read my blog as such!!!" But also realising since then, it is just my perspective, and it does not devalue what others think - of me or my blog - does it?

Be that as it may, I am also grateful I did not have (as many) brickbats and naysayers thru the years, which could also mean I am not "big" nor important enough for folks to slam! :p

Ironically, my readership has since climbed (an average of) ten-fold since stayathome/lockdown/quarantine period, which has left me talking to myself in front of a whole lot more nameless and faceless folks again! Have I become a "zoo-attraction" instead? LOL

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