Am I The Sum of My Rejected Designs?

A quick selection of some of the television and stage set designs from the REJECTED Folder of m tenure in the local broadcast station where I worked for over 4 years from the early to mid 90s, a lifetime ago ... Just redound the folder and sharing the glory days that never was lol #henglife #hengdraw #designlife #hengdesign

A video posted by TOYSREVIL (@toysrevil) on Dec 12, 2015 at 6:43pm PST

Quite a bit of memories come flooding back unplanned the past week, with the announcement of MEDIACORP moving to their new digs in Mediapolis@one-north, and of remembering my tenure at the Caldecott Broadcast Centre in Andrew Road, when I had worked there in the early-to-mid 90s.

And while I attempt to dig for more photos of the two offices I had worked in (and there not really that much of them lying around), I'd also re-found this folder of "REJECTED DESIGNS", along with work files of past projects! I had been an uber-stickler back in the day, and kept records a plenty of set designs I had worked on, including developmental sketches and construction documentation (thanks to the habit picked up from my Interior Design study days in BVI a lifetime ago haha).

A small select sample is shown in the instagram video featured above.

And while I had previously shared about my impressions and tenure of designing for television, this particular "Rejected" folder brings backs a specific memory …

In the early days of joining the station and design department, I had found out a colleague had kept what essentially was a folder(s) of set designs used for "recycling" - and by that I do not mean the expected practice of recycling sets and settings of different shows for different shows!

The designer - known here as "T" - had a folder of set designs rejected by clients (in the case of local TV, producers and Executive Producers of different language channels), which he had stored away, and would bring out to recycle and re-present, when the need arrives.

I would healthily assume it would be for last-minute requests and whatnot, yeah?

I remembered first finding out this practice (which I do not know if the rest of the 40 designers in my department also had folders like this … I never asked around nor checked :p), when one day I saw "T" blanco-ing (applying "white correction fluid") the date out of a presentation sketch, and writing in a "new" date, before going to zeros the drawing to show the client.

If I remember correctly, the date blanked over was nearly a decade ago from the then current new filled-in date.

I was horrified.

Naively thinking; "Like that also can, ah?"

Why the need to "recycle" designs? Cannot think of new designs meh? Not considering styles would have differed from time periods (although in a realworld practical sense, design cycles are about a decade or to anyways lol), and some designs are period-specific (like "The Rolling 50s" themed shows etc), it also felt like pawning over somebody else's rejects to another! WORSE if it is presented to be "new"!!!

And there I sat on my high-horse for many years too, and for all intents and purposes, I still do!

A stage design from my "Rejected" folder from nearly two decades ago ... Even tho these are rejected by the clients, I've always loved them, more than the versions that were approved ... I left not becoz of the "anguish of rejection", but becoz I could no longer continue doing less than my intended visions and designs ... I was an arrogant dick, but sadly thru the years I've become more "compromising", but that has never sat well with me... Perhaps that is the "restlessness" I constantly feel...? #hengdraw #drawlife #designlife

A photo posted by TOYSREVIL (@toysrevil) on Dec 12, 2015 at 5:26am PST

But finding this file, I am grasping at faded memories for the reason "why" I too shadowed what I had seen and had been appalled at …

Looking at my sketches now - and mind you they are mostly loose sketches and not final presentation drawings - I now feel a distinct connection to these designs - designs I had personally preferred and liked, versus the many "accepted" ones by clients, most probably altered to suit their requests and needs.

I was not as arrogant to think anyone SHOULD and would give me free rein to design whatever I want or feel the program I am designing for "needs", because in this industry where EVERYONE feels the need to have their say - however insignificant or irrelevant they may be - you've got to earn that trust. And you've got to "pay your school fees".

I am proud to say that I had felt I achieved a certain level of trust in my 4+ years designing tenure … but then again, maybe it is all in my arrogant mind anyways, innit? LOL

Be that as it may, this folder ended up serving me as a reminder of the passion and design sense I had had two decades ago, and as well showed my influences, and is what I would deem a more accurate representation of my thought and design process all these years ago, versus what had been broadcast on air instead …

I am also reminded of a line from Christopher Nolan's "Batman Begins", when Wayne-in-cowl says to Rachel: "It's not who I am underneath... but what I *do*... that defines me."

Am I defined by the works and designs that people see? Or am I truly the sum of my "rejected designs"?

I do not have a ready answer to share in this blogpost, but perhaps in my hearts of hearts, I think I already do, and had for many years now ...

Andy