Happy Father's Day 2020
I've only "seen" my late father cry twice in my lifetime ... sort of.
Once when he had returned home from the hospital, after witnessing the passing of his aunt (who took care of him since being a teenager), tears streaming down his face openly and unreservedly ... I was barely a teenager then, and did not know how to react.
And another time much later in his life, while watching a dramatised show on television.
He was retired by then, and spent most of time at home watching television and playing solitaire, and I hadn't had my Stroke yet, I think (so probably in my late-30s/early-40s?), and was at home alongside him that one balmy afternoon, sitting slightly beside+behind him, actually, and heard his sniffles (as he no doubt was emotional from the scene that transpired on the television screen), but did not actually see his face nor tears.
Dad has always kept the composure - as far as I can remember - of being from the Generation of the Man of the House that Did Not Shed Tears, and perhaps could not shed tears, least his vulnerability might affect the household, which I suspect was less of a "face" thing, than perhaps an emotional practicality. Of course I could be biased here :)
I've always wished I was able to comfort him then tho, but did not know how to, with the best I could do then was not acknowledging it.
I'd also always remembered so-called-"friend(s)" who very actively teased and jeered at me "crying at movies" (which ironically I did not "then", as I openly do now), and frankly left me befuddled the attitudes of some guys towards "men who cry", men whom I actively keep away from and out of my life LOL.
All this is a long roundabout way of saying: It's okay to cry, guys. You are not less "strong" if you do so. I certainly won't be the one to "judge" you.
If being a father is tough on you, I hope you give yourself a space to shed a tear and be vulnerable. After that just pick yourself up and the battle continues, innit?
If your partner needs to take a minute, would you be able to let him?
If you feel your father is breaking down, give him the safe space, and be there for him, however way is comfortable for you both. Be strong for him as he has been for you.
But at the very least today on Father's Day, don't be the one who makes your dad cry.
(I posted the above on my personal Facebook on Sunday night June 21/2020, with the notion sparked on Sunday morning, missing my father, then actually typing this out after watching "Train To Busan" in the evening, inspired by the main character's tears for his daughter ... am not going to spoil it for you if you've not watched it - Go read my review HERE on POPCORNX)
Once when he had returned home from the hospital, after witnessing the passing of his aunt (who took care of him since being a teenager), tears streaming down his face openly and unreservedly ... I was barely a teenager then, and did not know how to react.
And another time much later in his life, while watching a dramatised show on television.
He was retired by then, and spent most of time at home watching television and playing solitaire, and I hadn't had my Stroke yet, I think (so probably in my late-30s/early-40s?), and was at home alongside him that one balmy afternoon, sitting slightly beside+behind him, actually, and heard his sniffles (as he no doubt was emotional from the scene that transpired on the television screen), but did not actually see his face nor tears.
Dad has always kept the composure - as far as I can remember - of being from the Generation of the Man of the House that Did Not Shed Tears, and perhaps could not shed tears, least his vulnerability might affect the household, which I suspect was less of a "face" thing, than perhaps an emotional practicality. Of course I could be biased here :)
I've always wished I was able to comfort him then tho, but did not know how to, with the best I could do then was not acknowledging it.
I'd also always remembered so-called-"friend(s)" who very actively teased and jeered at me "crying at movies" (which ironically I did not "then", as I openly do now), and frankly left me befuddled the attitudes of some guys towards "men who cry", men whom I actively keep away from and out of my life LOL.
All this is a long roundabout way of saying: It's okay to cry, guys. You are not less "strong" if you do so. I certainly won't be the one to "judge" you.
If being a father is tough on you, I hope you give yourself a space to shed a tear and be vulnerable. After that just pick yourself up and the battle continues, innit?
If your partner needs to take a minute, would you be able to let him?
If you feel your father is breaking down, give him the safe space, and be there for him, however way is comfortable for you both. Be strong for him as he has been for you.
But at the very least today on Father's Day, don't be the one who makes your dad cry.
(I posted the above on my personal Facebook on Sunday night June 21/2020, with the notion sparked on Sunday morning, missing my father, then actually typing this out after watching "Train To Busan" in the evening, inspired by the main character's tears for his daughter ... am not going to spoil it for you if you've not watched it - Go read my review HERE on POPCORNX)
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